How to Build Confidence When You Have Social Anxiety

Social anxiety, which is generally misunderstood, goes way beyond just being shy. It’s this persistent fear of being harshly judged by others, embarrassed, or rejected in a given social situation.

This fear can feel like an invisible barrier between where you are currently and where you’d like to be. It can be overwhelming to the point where your world feels like it’s closing in on you. Routine daily decisions can feel like life-or-death matters.

The truth is, confidence isn’t something you’re born with. It needs to be built with the right amount of practice and effort. Even when you’re experiencing social anxiety, building confidence is possible.

Start with Small Actions

Avoiding situations that trigger your anxiety may seem like a good solution, but it’s only a band-aid on a larger problem. An important first step is to take action.

If you’re consistently overwhelmed in social situations, start with something lower-pressure that is less threatening. Practice making small talk in public places, like the grocery store or the bank. Attend a small outing with people you trust, where the only commitment you have to make is showing up.

While this may seem trivial, it builds the foundation for larger steps later. The more comfortable you get with smaller instances, the better you’ll feel moving on to more challenging ones.

Change Your Inner Narrative

Social anxiety goes hand in hand with a harsh voice inside your head. These thoughts come automatically, but they’re rarely rooted in factual information.

Before you even engage in any social setting, you may start to tell yourself that people will think you’re awkward or worry about saying something that’s perceived as stupid.

Challenging the narrative is important since it’s more distortion than reality. When you start to feel anxious, take a quick pause and focus on the facts. For example, if you’re worried about embarrassing yourself, remind yourself of previous situations where you’ve been successful.

Practice Self-Compassion

Building your confidence doesn’t mean you’re going to be perfect in your execution every time. No one is perfect, and that’s another unrealistic bar to set for yourself. Errors and failures are a natural part of being human.

Try to get comfortable with the fact that you’re going to stumble. You may say the wrong words or do the wrong thing. When it happens, it’s ok! The growth happens in how you respond to these situations.

Rather than beating yourself up, give yourself grace. Our natural tendency is to be critical, so it may take some practice to be kind to yourself. When you stop punishing yourself, you open the door for growth and development.

Focus on Skill Building

Putting yourself in situations where you gain exposure is a good start, but the work shouldn’t end there. You need to force yourself outside of your comfort zone a bit more and focus on building skills that you can use time and time again.

Navigating social situations successfully in real time will build new layers of confidence. Making it through something and being capable of conquering it is the difference in long-term confidence.

Surround Yourself with Support

Isolating yourself and leaving room for that inner voice to be front and center will only fuel your anxiety further. Leaning on social connections will help you heal your anxiety.

Surround yourself with people whom you trust, who will understand your journey and support you where you need it. You may find comfort in friends, family, community, or support groups. Talking through your feelings is a great way to free yourself from them.

Explore Therapy

Working with a therapist can lead to a significant transformation. Anxiety therapy can help you uncover the root of your anxiety, challenge those negative patterns, and establish strategies to continue building confidence.

Ready for that next step? Reach out to us to get started.