Rebuilding Trust After Infidelity: Is It Even Possible?

Infidelity is one of the most painful types of betrayal you can experience in a relationship. It crumbles the foundation you’ve built with your partner and leaves you with an enormous seed of doubt, heartbreak, and confusion.

After discovering any level of unfaithfulness, many people feel like it’s the end of the road. You’re left with this heavy question of whether you will ever be able to truly trust each other again. Can you rebuild after such deep wounds?

The short answer is yes; it is possible. But honestly, it’s a complex one that requires a willingness to transform your relationship into something new. Intentional work from both sides is necessary, regardless of who was unfaithful.

Finding the True Meaning of Trust

Trusting another person after infidelity does not mean you’re forgetting about what has happened. Nor does it mean you’re going to push away feelings and pretend like it doesn’t hurt.

Trust means establishing a new foundation that is built on transparency and accountability. The old relationship that existed before cannot move forward.

Instead, you will need to work to build something different. Your dynamic has changed, so you must collectively change too. With this shift, you have the potential to be even stronger than before.

Couples often struggle with this initial step because they’re trying to go back to the way things used to be. This mindset is rarely successful. A relationship that allowed the infidelity to occur needs to evolve. While it may be an uncomfortable thought, there was likely an underlying issue somewhere before the affair happened that was the true start of this breakdown.

Healing for the Partner Who Strayed

If you were the one who had the affair, your partner needs to see consistent and sustained efforts from you. This means being honest with your answers and patient when your partner asks you questions. It also means being open and transparent with your feelings, communication, and whereabouts. This level of honesty lays the groundwork for trust to be rebuilt.

Another important action is demonstrating remorse for what happened. This goes beyond feeling guilty about getting caught. It’s about having a true understanding of the pain your actions have caused your partner. Be willing to sit with your partner while they process any feelings, and do so without becoming defensive.

The biggest thing you can do to help yourself heal is figure out why the affair happened. What goal were you trying to fulfill, or what needs were you trying to meet? You need to spend some time reflecting on what happened and establish how you would behave in similar situations in the future.

Healing for the Betrayed Partner

As the partner on the other side of the affair, you have the difficult task of deciding if rebuilding trust is the road you want to travel. First and foremost, it’s important to understand that you do not owe anyone forgiveness or reconciliation if that’s not what’s best for you.

If rebuilding is the way you choose, you’re going to need to have the difficult conversations, ask the hard questions, establish new boundaries, and feel reassured by your partner. You can’t live in a constant state of suspicion and surveillance, so you need to be an active participant in the rebuilding process.

Your road to feeling comfortable trusting again goes beyond dismissing concerns or red flags. It’s about being able to move forward to a point where you don’t look backward. Know that some days will be easier than others.

Utilizing Professional Support

Couples therapy offers a structured space where you both can navigate the complexities of rebuilding trust after an affair. Together, we can address any communication issues, cope with the trauma from the betrayal, and establish a plan to move forward.

Therapy isn't about forcing a reconciliation, but rather giving you the tools to make the best-informed choice about your future. We’re available to connect when you’re ready.